Notes for Attendees
• RSVP in good time – there’s nothing more annoying than having to chase people up to find out whether or not their little darling will be attending your little darling’s do. Try to let the host know as soon as possible whether you plan to attend.
• Don’t over-think the gift – if like me, you’re one of life’s over-thinkers and panickers, it can be really easy to get carried away when purchasing gifts. Don’t worry about it. If your child is likely to be invited to an abundance of parties, it might be useful to set yourself a budget for party gifts to save getting carried away. Take advantage of sales and stock up on bits to keep in the cupboard for when invitations arrive. If in doubt, a gift voucher or book voucher is always a good idea.
• Supervise your child – if your child is still of the age whether it’s required that parents stay with them at parties, try to make sure you keep an eye on them. Even though it may be a tempting opportunity to catch up on emails or do the online food shopping, keep one eye on your child at all times. I have no doubt that the host will also be really grateful if you offer your services with cleaning up or even head-counting for cake.
It’s a parenting truth universally acknowledged that at some stage in your child-rearing career, you will need to dip your toe into the waters of children’s birthday parties. Be it hosting or attending, there seems to be some anxiety about etiquette with regards to both. Unlike some of those obnoxious parenting bloggers, I do not claim to know it all! However, I can share my knowledge (however limited) and my extensive real-world research* to offer tips on surviving children’s birthday parties.
*Thank you to those parents at Toddlers and the preschool pick-up.
Firstly…
I think the first and most significant point that needs to be made here is keep it simple. In the world of social media and Pinterest, its tempting to get carried away and one can all to easily fall into the rabbit hole of collating mood-boards of luxuriant decorations, elaborate cakes and exquisite feasts for their three year old’s party. Don’t. The beauty of childhood is in its innocence and simplicity. Think back to the birthday parties of your childhood; children want nothing more than some party games, a few balloons and a slice of cake. Whilst I realise this advice isn’t ground-breaking, it’s true and you’ll save yourself an awful lot of stress and bother by remembering it.
The Guest List
Ask anyone whose planned a wedding how easy it is for to get carried away with the guest list. You start off thinking you’ll limit yourself to fifty attendees including close family, friends and select work colleagues, and before long you’re digging out Great Auntie Nora’s address and the second cousins you’ve not seen since your own Christening in 1985! It’s a slippery slope. Childhood friendships can be enduring and wonderful but they can be equally fickle and your child’s best friends this week might be all together different by next. From chatting to more-experienced parents than myself, I’ve learned that a helpful rule of thumb for pre-school birthday parties is to invite the child’s age plus one. If your child is four, ask them to choose four friends plus one – five in total.
Once children start school, the waters become all together murkier. You may not want to invite the whole class but equally it’s important not to be divisive and hurt the feelings of those children who have not made the cut. It seems that a helpful guideline here is that if you’re inviting more than half of the class, you should probably invite the whole class. However, if your event is more exclusive, then you shouldn’t really worry. It’s just best to avoid a situation where there are three or four children in the class who feel who feel left out.
Duration
Venues and attractions local to me seem to be offering increasingly extravagant and protracted party packages. However as wonderful it may sound, no child really needs to attend such a multifacetted and lengthy soiree. I, for one, get fidgety after about an hour and a half and I know that my own son, as much as I love him, has the attention span of a gnat. I imagine that much of the time the inside of his brain probably looks a lot like a multi-ring circus. He can hardly sit still for long enough to eat a sandwich without needing to get up to check if there are still birds in the garden, whether the postman has been or if his favourite toy lorry is where he left it before he went out. I dread to think how he would cope with a marathon party of soft play, ten-pin bowling and a make-your-own teddy bear session followed by a three-course meal. Repeat after me; parties do not need to be any longer than two hours. Not only for the children’s sake but for your own sanity too.
The Venue
Whilst it may seem like the most budget friendly and simple option is to host the party in your own home, the practicalities may not be so appealing. I’m not sure I’d want a pack of over-excited and hyper-active pre-schoolers running through my house, even after I’d safely tucked away the Ming vase and Fabergé eggs. I also doubt that my humble abode would be large enough to accommodate said pack of pre-schoolers and their parents. It might be easier and less bother to hire a venue. Again, this needn’t be an extravagant stately home complete with its own blessing of unicorns (yes, that is the collective noun for unicorns – I googled it) or even the local soft-play centre. A village hall would do just fine. There’s also really no shame in outsourcing the whole thing if you’d prefer. As wonderful as the idea of planning a party might be, the reality is that it’s often just one plate too many to try to spin alongside the already unstable rotating crockery of parenthood. Lots of childrens’ party venues, soft-play centres and even zoos and aquariums, offer packages where you pay per child-so why not take them up on it if it makes your life easier?
The Party Fare
Food can be yet another contentious issue when it comes to birthday parties. Should I serve a meal? Are nibbles (dreadful word) sufficient? Do I need to offer food for the parents? I think the simple answer is that food is always a good idea but it needn’t be complicated or difficult. Most children struggle to sit still long enough to eat a meal in their own homes let alone in the midst of an exciting celebration, so it’s probably best just to offer a small buffet of non-messy and child-friendly food. Think slices of pizza, sausage rolls, crisps, small sandwiches, perhaps even a cheese and pineapple hedgehog if you’re so inclined. Whilst it sounds dull, beige is generally best when it comes to kids’ party food and if parents are staying, it might be worth suggesting that they can help themselves too. As it’s also now estimated that one in thirteen children have a food allergy, it’s also worth checking dietary requirements prior to the party.