The Euros have wrapped up and like the sun setting on the longest day of the year, our hopes of footballing glory sunk beyond the horizon. The Olympics looked real busy, at least from the comfort of my sofa, and although the reputation of Australia’s break dancer will live on, it feels like Summer is on it’s way out. But fear not, even though school runs and afternoon clubs are almost back in session, there is still some time to Kevin Bacon-it and indulge in some footloose fun. Say less. Read on.
Inflata Nation – Ipswich
What? You know that game where the floor is lava? Well, imagine it’s not, imagine it’s a giant bouncy castle. And all around you are plastic balls flying at your flustered face. And small socked feet attached to the delighted screams of excitable minors. Inflata Nation brings you all this with the added bonus of vertical slides, an obstacle course and slushies on tap. Oh and it’s really blue, like being inside the Eiffel 65 song.
Why? There is no faster way to tire out the energizer bunnies in your custody for £14 an hour. They will sleep well. Shatter any illusions you have about your relative fitness by attempting the aforementioned obstacle course. You’ll be restored to factory settings by the time you desperately hurtle over the last hurdle.
Top Tip: If you choose to go in, Hydrate. The capital H is not a typo, it’s for emphasis. Prepare to have enough fluids available to counter all that you sweated out in the ball pit. Maybe even take some Berroca. You’ll need a hit of life-affirming electrolytes. Also, book the kiddos in for two hours, a) the second hour is half price and b) it’ll afford you enough recovery time to walk back to the car.
Mulligans – Norwich
What? A mini golf experience, pervaded in borderline violent neon hues, with the option to indulge in arcade games, darts or pool (et al) as a contest-driven chaser. Also, cocktails on the bar. In the event there is a need to commiserate.
Why? It is an indoor venue so there is no need to use the term ‘weather permitting’. Achieving a par 16 on a game designed for children will become family legend. Plenty of opportunity to take aesthetically pleasing photos, including one of the rugrats in a ‘Usual Suspects’ vibe line-up. Cue jokes about which of your offspring is most likely to commit an actual crime. Hilarity ensues. 18 holes costs £32 for a family of four and you can stay as long as you want.
Top Tip: Posing on the motorcycle at the end is not going to look as glamourous as you imagine. Try it, prove me wrong.
Pleasure Wood Hills – Lowestoft
What? Essentially a much smaller scale Alton Towers, set in Woodland behind a big Tesco, touting a passive Bear in striped trousers as its mascot.
Why? No hour-long queues. The sealion show. Age accessible rides for all the family. A whole day’s worth of entertainment on your doorstep. For those of us born before the turn of the century, there is nostalgia aplenty. The Rattlesnake has been renamed to the much less cool ‘Egg-spress’, which genuinely feels like a thrill-seeking downgrade but it is the same ride so don’t despair. The Canonball Express still delights in a mild whiplash kind of way. And let’s be honest, no one can believe the chair lifts are still operational but the opportunity to wind up your companion about who is going to fall off into the lake, is worth 5 minutes of anyone’s day. Book in advance to save 25%, with family tickets starting at £70. Spare some moolah for the gift shop by packing a picnic for half time.
Top Tip: For the love of all that is Holy, do not attempt to carry two coffees in one hand and two slushies in the other, to the Sealion show, when the grass is wet. Unless you wish to become a sideshow to the main attraction.
Spooky season will be here in two sweeps of a witch’s broom and the call of the pumpkin patch seemingly grows stronger every year but whilst the sun clings to the sky, let’s hold onto Summer with both hands. It’s a long (and rainy) road back to the next one.